Nightmares for life.

Tonite I learned about killer sperm. I will never be the same again.

Chlorinated Gravy and Jazz Hands.

As you may recall, I decided to attend aquacize class this morning. Going into this thing, I thought it would be easy-breezy. When I was a child I engaged in both competitive and synchronized swimming for several years. So, I believe I have a leg up on the competition. Considering all of the competition is over the age of 63, this is a fair assumption. Good christ can those ladies boogie.

It started out simple enough, I even had the breath to comment on how jazz-tastic my hands were. Yes, I also danced for several years. Then we moved from the warm-up to the workout. The teacher suggested that the four viral attendees (me included) continue without the use of a pool noodle. Forty-five minutes later and the results are what you see below.


Regardless of how grueling it was, I have decided to return. Somehow being told by several of the elderly that my hair was "pretty", and that they liked my tattoo is enough to bring me back.

truly,
the recess bandit.

p.s. again, I would like to acknowledge my amazement at my high grades in maclab.

It's official!

This will be me, tomorrow morning. Yes, I have joined up for water aerobics. I mean, really, how bad could it be?






The reason I have decided to get back into shape? So that I will look fabulous for my up coming marriage to David.




He is just so handsome.

truly,
recess cross.

the recess bandit is a misshapen monster.

I guess I knew going into the situation that it would be disastrous, it always seems to be. But when I friend called and asked me to go to the mall, I could not seem to say no. In my defense, I was running on little to no sleep, and trying very hard to avoid feeling like an adult. One thing television taught me is that a shopping spree with your BFF (bestfriendforever!) is a perfect remedy for whatever ails you. So, to the mall I went.

I conveniently forgot that I hate malls, I hate shopping for the dreaded pants, I hate malls. Not just for the rampant consumerism, but for the lights and the air and the windowlessness and the stares. Oh the stares. And nothing will destroy my confidence more than trying to find reasonable clothes that fit at a mall. Any mall, they are all pretty much the same.

O.k., so what is my problem you ask? Nothing in the mall fits me. I mean, pretty much nothing. Nobody seems to make slacks at a size above a very slim 11. Are we just not supposed to wear bottoms? Resolve to wear the pleated, polyester dealys from Sears? Good gracious, I am not ready for that yet. So, the lack of slacks is never really any surprise, but I really needed to add an extra bit of aggravation. I decided to buy myself a new bra.

Dear sweet jesus, was that ever painful. First off, they are ridiculously overpriced. Forty dollars is the cheapest I have ever been able to go. For something that is pretty much under my shirt at all times. And usually as ugly as my kat's puke. So all this, and then they add insult to injury. There seems to be a slight shift in the sizing since my last purchase. Nothing fit. And by that, I mean I can no longer fit into a 34DD. Double fucking D. I am not that big. I cannot buy a bra anywhere but Sears now, you know the ones your Grandma used to wear? So attractive.

The best part about this excursion was an interaction I had with the sales associate at the underwear/bra store. I was picking out some new underwear when she offered me some help. I said "Sure, I want five pairs please."
She responded with "What size, small?"
I just laughed.
"No, size large please".
"Really, are you sure? I know it is hard to tell with all of the winter clothing, but your face makes me think that you are rather skinny."

My face makes me look skinny. My new glasses must be slimming.
So, essentially, my bum and chest are way to large to fit into any normal size clothing, but the face? So slender.

My new fishing for a compliment line...."excuse me, do you think this face makes me look fat?"

truly,
the recess bandit.

Dear World,

Do you know where I could find this poster? Please let me know if you do. It would be so attractive in my room.
truly,
the recess bandit.

Anyone up for The Saddest Music in the World?

good lord this is funny.

white ninja comics.

hey, don't forget about this:

CFAT Scholarship details!
Message: DATE: Friday January 27th 2006
TIME: 8pm
Place:Neptune's Studio Theatre
1593 Argyle Street
Tix: $6 in advance $8 at the door
ticket info: 420-4002 (CFAT)

if anyone wants me to pick up tickets in advance for them let me know. i am stopping by the centre around 4.

truly,
the recess bandit.

sorry, but i couldn't let this slip by unnoticed.

o.k., i know. this blog is started to seem completely self-absorbed. i got off track with the recent discovery of childhood photo albums and my gorgeous scanner. also, i have been busy. i am trying to get back into script writting as i have decided to stay in school and graduate. i would be crazy not to. so, in the interest of trying to get school work done, i will be posting more photos/videos. if you don't like it, you can just leave. i had no idea you were there in the first place. there have only been comments from 4 people, but stats tell me there are more.

the photo attached to this post is of my grandfather. i idolized my grandfather. his life story reads like a steinbeck novel. this photo is from his and my nana's (see previous post) honeymoon. it was taken at Niagara falls in 1945.

truly,
a nostalgic recess bandit.

always the charmer.

click.


i recently went home for a visit. this is me and zoe in the back, puppy and family in front. i was catching heck for being so gosh darned lippy. i stopped filming before it got uncomfortable.
the video seems to take a long time to load. sorry.
truly,
the recessbandit.

me and tia. the best dog in the world.
truly,
the recessbandit.

yes, the recess bandit was once an innocent.

my nana.

so, at the beginning of the evening, i was ready to pack it all in and move to the desert. my computer could suck eggs as far as i was concerned. i'm still not over it completely, but i do now see where my errors were.

sometimes the concept of a computer makes my brain fizzle. like my profile says, i am new. so, why all the goddamned fuss? why was i screaming, turning away in anger, and needing to get out of the house? i was, once again, trying to upload video. i found an old clay animation that i did to test out the camera and the materials used for a larger project. i re-edited it, after having my workhorse of a computer tell me 'no' several times.

the frustration lies in the fact that this is what i study in school. this computer stuff is supposed to be second nature now. i got an 89% in mac lab. but, as i may have mentioned before, right now i hate school. o.k., o.k., i am getting to it. geeez. so, here is some crappy video i did a couple of years ago.

i borrowed the music from Mark Mothersbaugh of devo fame. enjoy.




>>>>>>>>>click here to view.


so, i guess i should go do my homework.

truly,
the recess bandit.

and yes, i do know the credits are as long as the movie.

i am really getting bored of being ill. it has been 41 hours now. i have not been able to eat, or do anything else really, for 41 hours. my body is getting sore from laying down. food poisoning is for losers.

something else: the center for art tapes scholarship screening is coming up.

CFAT Scholarship details!
Message: DATE: Friday January 27th 2006
TIME: 8pm
Place:Neptune's Studio Theatre
1593 Argyle Street
Tix: $6 in advance $8 at the door
ticket info: 420-4002 (CFAT)

i received this scholarship last year. it is a good program.

also: afcoop has a one-minute film scholarship. this program is amazing.

well, that is all. i am leaving the province in a couple of days. i am only going away for a week, but i am sure it will feel like a lifetime. going to visit my parents seems to have that effect. here is to my safe return.

truly,
the recess bandit.

Your Pick Up Line Is

is that a keg in your pants? cause I'm trying to tap that.

What Pick Up Line Should You Use?

ridiculous.

this is fantastic.

Your Personality Is

Idealist (NF) You are a passionate, caring, and unique person. You are good at expressing yourself and sharing your ideals. You are the most compassionate of all types and connect with others easily. Your heart tends to rule you. You can't make decisions without considering feelings. You seek out other empathetic people to befriend. Truth and authenticity matters in your friendships. In love, you give everything you have to relationships. You fall in love easily. At work, you crave personal expression and meaning in your career. With others, you communicate well. You can spend all night talking with someone. As far as your looks go, you've likely taken the time to develop your own personal style. On weekends, you like to be with others. Charity work is also a favorite pastime of yours.

The Three Question Personality Test

this is even better.

You are Bettie Page

Girl next door with a wild streak You're a famous beauty - with unique look And the people like you are cultish about it

What Famous Pinup Are You?

i, for one, feel as if a have a much better understanding of myself.

quite truly,
the recess bandit.

such a lovely: boy oh boy.

horror movie night cancelled in favor of supporting local band.
truly,
the recessbandit.
oh, m, could you call me please. i lost your number.

the horror movie fan club will be meeting for movie and discussion this thursday. 9:30 p.m., my house. twin peaks starts when i get back. e-mail or phone in your r.s.v.p.
truly,
the recess bandit.

o.k., i can finally admit it. i fall under the category of hopeless romantic. i had tried to avoid this realization for a long time now. i feel confident admitting this as i feel as if the confession falls on deaf ears. or rather an unread blog. the undeniable tip off came to me while on my precious computer. itunes was playing the smiths for me, and i felt myself staring off to the side, reminiscing about my youth. so, a story of how hopeless and romantic the bandit really is.
when i was fourteen/fifteen, i had a job as a pizza cook at pizza hut. there was a boy i worked with. his name was sean and he was as charming as the bees. he was hip, handsome, humorous and just a little bit sad. and he rode a unicycle. please keep in mind that this was the late 80's. i am not so impressed by the unicyle anymore. juggling is where it is at.
anyway, i was head over heals for sean. so, being a dreamy teen with lots of boring work time on my hands, i started to daydream about the two of us. the song that shaped my fantasies? "there is a light that never goes out". you know, the one where morrissey states
and if a double decker bus,
crashes into us,
to die by your side is such a
heavenly way to die.
this seemed like the ultimate testimite of what i thought love to be.
if you have never heard morrissy sing this, then you will never understand. it was (is) more than just the fantastic, gut-wrentching lyrics. it's the music, and that voice. oh that voice. i have been listening to the smiths for almost twenty years. that is a long time. speaks volumes about why i am so in love with sadness.

truly,
the recess bandit.
-or-
the romantic bandit.

oh, and another thing. my friend jess is having an opening at the anna leowens gallery this coming monday. i think it starts around 5:30/6ish.
truly,
the recess bandit.

Your Monster Profile

Brutal Doctor You Feast On: Power Bars You Lurk Around In: Movie Theaters You Especially Like to Torment: Cops

What's Your Monster Name?

amazing insight.

geez, it certainly feels like it has been awhile. i have taken an odd holiday from posting. partially because i didn't have anything to say, and partially because i was out on the town, drinking coffee and beer. i had an opportunity to go and socialize. it was not as hard as i thought it may be. there is something so fantastic about the kids i know in halifax. my enjoyment of this town has been renewed.
another reason i have stayed away is because i am trying to figure out appropriateness of reading other people's blogs. i have been fluctuating between not leaving any comments, to having a certain familiarity on sites. this being said, i think i may go on a blogbinge and leave comments everywhere. so, if you have found this blog as a result of my comments, perhaps you could let me know how it felt to have a stranger commenting on your very public/personal life. please do not be mean. this is just an experiment.
so, personal update for those of you who actually know me. life is fantastic. a whole cluster of people flunked out of my class. two being the ones that were harassing me. offering to put me in their snuff films and such. they are now gone. it is amazing how much better i feel now.
crushes are up and away as well. i am learning to recycle them now. and, my comic book collection is growing rapidly.
so, i am going leave it at that. gus' is calling my name.

truly,
the recess bandit.

p.s. the new addiction? the hidden cameras. so effing good.